That damn stop sign

I have moments, days and even weeks where I think a lot about my dad and the things that we use to do when I was growing up. Now that I have a 16 year old daughter, I wonder if he felt the same things that I feel, think the same things that I think.

At this time in my life, I am struggling a bit with my 16 year old because she does not want a single thing to do with getting her permit. Something that she should of had last summer at this time. I always imagined what it would be like to teach my child/children how to drive and all that would come with that- the good and the bad. The memories that would be forged, but she is denying me all of that. Brat!!

One of the most awful, yet joyful times in my life with my dad was when we was showing me how to drive. My experience may have been different than most, because I grew up in the country- surrounded by corn feilds, cattle and farms and country roads that allowed you to drive 89 mph and kill multiple birds with one swoop.

My learning-how-to-drive-experience was not always fun.. because of those conditions. I had to deal with gravel roads, dirt roads and COWS.My dad however had a remedy, and it looked something like this:

The biggest, badest truck you ever did see- that he wanted me to learn how to drive.

Yea right!!

..and dad didnt play around, he was totally serious. That was my first vehicle in which I was suppose to learn to drive.

This thing was a monster, I practically needed a step ladder to get in it.. and it was push button start with I swear, nitro jet packs on the back for that extra kick on the country roads.

So, I am finally getting somewhat comfortable on the "straight" country roads, when dad decides that it is time for a challenge. A "challenge".. what the hell does that mean??? I'm wondering.

As we start to round the bend, I know exactly where we are headed and I am starting to freak out....I tell dad that "There is no way that I can stop" and he says "Yes you can, what are you talking about?"

..at this point, I am almost hyperventilating... "Dad, I cant do it, the truck wont stop us in time.. it wont.. it wont" and he has just about had it with me. "Peggy Sue (in his deepest southern accent), stop it, we will be fine. Slowly step on the break, and we WILL stop at the stop sign.. I promise"

I of course did not believe him.. because he had me driving this big ass truck...

...down this steep ass hill into the river..

I just new we would never stop in time.. I just new it.

That is the only time I did not believe my dad..but after surviving- and being proved wrong- I believed everything he ever told me after that.

Chuck the squirrel

I take the same route to work every day... and every day for the past week.. there has been this dead squirrel on the side of the road.

Normally, this would not be so intriguing, however- when you drive 30 -40 minutes one way- the mind begins to wonder HOW this squirrel came to become deceased in the middle of the cement jungle.


I decided that I was going to start a science experiment with my found friend "Chuck", the dead squirrel and see how long it would take before:

1. Sanitation crews would pick him up
2. He would decompose
3. Birds would eat him
4. Some car would serve to the side of the road to squish him

It has now been a week, and Chuck is still fully in tact, from what I can tell..

I know that the day will come.. when he will be gone.

I shall miss him... Chuck was awesome!

Mortimer

My parents always tried to get my brother and I what we wanted and needed for Christmas, but- the fact of the matter is we never really got "exactly" what we asked for. It was always close to it.. or the generic version of what we wanted.

When I was about 9 or 10, all I wanted more than anything was a Holly Hobbit Sewing Machine for Christmas. I must of looked at the JC Penney catalog 1,247 times and left hints all over the place. I even told my mom and dad that, that was in fact what I wanted.

I wanted to learn how to sew and make my own Barbie dresses, and clothes for my Cabbage Patch doll. I mean, how cool would that have been? I know, pretty freak'n cool.

What I ended up getting for Christmas that year, was something that still horrifies me to this day.. thanks mom and dad.

Scary- Spooky- Came to life at night while I slept- Mortimer Snerd!

What the hell was I going to do with this at 9 or 10 years old?

It has literally tarnished me for the rest of my life. I began to believe that it came to life, and it would watch me and follow me. I was BEYOND terrified of this damn doll.

My little brother would hide in his closet and make these little noises like it was the doll... because we shared a closet wall (we had a rambler)and THAT freaked me out even more.

Around that same time the movie Magic with Anthony Hopkins came out... where the dummy possesed Anthony... and there was a shot where the dummy is watching Anthony from the window with its BIG dummy eyes ((((((shiver shiver)))))

To do this day.. I cant watch movie with dolls in them: Puppet Master, Chuckie, etc....

Ga ross!!!!! Ickkky Poo!!! Hell No!!! Forget It!!! No Way!!! Aint Gonna Happen!!

Attack of the air freshner

You wouldnt think this simple-inexpensive product would create such drama, create the next World War between neighbors, but alas I am here to tell you that in the world of Multi Housing... that is exactly what is happening.

Neighbor 1 is a smoker... and Neighbor 2, that lives across the hall is not. Neighbor 1 smokes inside her apartment and NOT in the halls.

Neighbor 2, the non-smoker has several cans of aerosol air freshner waiting outside of her apartment door waiting for Neighbor 1 to come home so she can spray where Neighbor 1 walks in the hallway and Neighbor 1's door.

Neighbor 1 feels as if Neighbor 2 is harrassing her.. with aerosol air freshner and spraying her apartment door.. since she is a smoker.

Neighbor 2 IS a bit crazy but we cant tell Neighbor 1 that...

I hope someone see's the humor in this....

Little engine that OBVIOUSLY could'nt

Im driving to work this morning and what do I see on the side of the off ramp, next to the stop sign...??? Hmmmmmmm.....????

A car engine... ohhh yeah, just sitting on the side of the road....

How does your engine just fall out of your car??

Seriously, if someone knows, please let me know 'cause I am stumped.

I think I might of even held up traffic for 10 seconds as I looked at the engine in amazement... that is something that you just dont see everyday.

*A dream*

I grew up with a father that loved to re-vamp vintage cars. He had numerous pictures of the cars that he had refurbished over the years, and I happened to share his passion for cars.

Over the years, we would go to car shows and festivals to bask in the glory of the Old Cars..Old Steam Engines.. and Tractors.

Several years ago, I decided that I wanted my own vintage car to work on and repair... to make it totally mine. Several people/friends have heard me talk about this and Im sure they think that I am nuts... but this is what I want:


A 72-73 Mercedes with Tan leather interior.









I think that it would be HOT!!!!

That is my dream... one that I will one day achieve I am certain- whether or not that I will ever get to re-furbish it with my father- I dont know.

Its a nice dream to have though.

Animal Planet live!!

I love my new job, I really do.

Not only do I love my new job, but I truly think that it is the job that has been waiting for me.. and I just didnt know it.

One of the greatest things about my job is, that I get to sit at my desk surrounded by two sets of patio doors (that open)!! How fantastic is that??? I mean seriously-

This one day however, it had been raining / misting off and on all day and the robin's were out in full swing- I tell you what, I have never seen so many FAT birds in my life.

They were bigger than half of the chickens that you buy in the store for $7.40!

Anyway, the robins- from what I could see from my desk were picking the worms out from the edge of the sidewalk.

They were at an All - You - Could - Eat - Worm - Buffet and the birds couldnt be happier.

As the day progressed, the birds continued to feast on Worm a La Mode and I watched as often as I could.. it truly amazed me at how easy it was for them peck those worms out the ground.. hmmmmpfh



I tell ya, my job is better than watching the Animal Planet.

Ohh to be young

I want days like this again!

Days, where I didnt care if someone saw my ruffly panties-
Days, where it was alright to act like you were 6-
Days, where I could eat the bottom off of my ice cream
cone and let it drip all over-
Days where, I didnt have a care in the world-
Days where eating dog food wasnt as bad as it sounded-

As I look back at my younger years and remember all of
the stories that have been passed down to me from my
parents and grandparents, I wonder- really wonder- what it would
be like if I COULD remember what I was thinking when I was standing
over that vent, or biting the bottom off of my ice cream cone, or eating that damn dog food?