(in a whiny voice) ....WwWHhYyY???

..another Pet Peeve of mine deals with driving....in specific the on /off ramp!

There is a particular off ramp that really annoys me...... in order to get to 77 South from 35 E.. you have to start your ramp decent 3.5 miles away (this is no an exact number for crying out loud)

Now the problem isnt the ramp itself... its the people that use this off ramp as the SLOW lane (there ARE signs that say EXIT ramp, DUH) with no intentions of using it AS the off ramp, and then they will merge from the ramp at the last minute, back onto 35E (again, DUH) ..... arghhhhhh.

These people really bug me...because this off ramp IS as long as it is... its a real pain in the ass to get behind someone that is going 53 mph when others are flying by you at 76mph and you have no chance to pass them....

Now, I only complain because I have to drive this road frequently... and thusly.... get stuck behind this "person" once a week, it never fails.

Im beginning to think I have some funky carma and need to seek out a voo doo doctor... hey, maybe that will be another blog?!?!

Evil Turkey

You beckon me from inside the oven
Calling my name, taunting me
Your evil, I know it

Why do you harrass me so
Letting your scent fill the air
Hearing the sizzle of your juices
Your Evil.. pure and simple

As I tear into your flesh
I feel the urge to nap
To shop
Evil~is what your are

Days will come and go
Yet, your still around
Why do you taunt me so
Could you be.....SATAN

You are Evil~~ Ohhhh Thanksgiving Turkey

Evil

Created by the only: ME

~~HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE~~

Swinging to the left and swinging to the right...

Well, the "sisters" are healthy!

They have been squished sideways, flatways, upways, and roundways!

They have also been gel'd.....rubbed......poked....and prodded.

Conclusion: Being 35 and having hormones can really suck!

Damn them....!

They are to blame for HALF of the crap that is wrong with me.... bastards!

..and another thing

as a woman, I have the same worries that most women do.. and try to take all the precautions necassary to make sure that I am healthy: I dont really drink, I dont smoke, I dont really party any more, and I do my regular self breast exams..

Yup, Im pretty boring!!

So, when I started having some serious pain in my right breast, I began to worry but kept my mouth shut. WHY, you might ask?? Because there is a serious history of Lymphoma cancer in my family and I was terrified.

I know, but as I have said.. I AM a dumb ass....

Anyway, this pain has been happening for months....literally. Not just in my breast, but under my armpit as well..... HELLO! again.. I am a dumb ass.

Finally, I mentioned this to my husband, and he urged me to go to the doctor, but did I make that appointment... NOOOoooo, why listen to HIS reasoning.

I mentioned it in passing to Krisy, over a beer during Happy Hour one evening and she gave me a different perspective.... she made me look at it differently and urged me to make the appointment...and I took her advice.

The following Monday, I made an appointment.

The appointment ended up: inconclusive, BUT, we know that there is something under my armpit and I am now on my way to:


Scared? absolutely!







So, come Monday the 21st..Ill be all decked out in my pretty little hospital gown, that wont close all the way.

The cool hospital wind will be blowing up my ass.... and the person doing the mammogram will have ice cold hands, of course ( I think its a requirement) and the machine will squish my boob into 1 1/2 " thick, then as if that wont be enough... the ultrasound gel.. will be at -20 degrees and rubbed all over my entire right side, sending me into shock. At which time I will start shaking violently from freezing.....

Yipppee!! Sounds like a good time to me!

Wish me luck....pray.. cast a No Disease spell.. send love... do whatever you do to make this come out alright!

I'm cracking....

Over the past few years, I have tried to determine exactly what direction I want my life to go in. Im married, I have two girls, I work full time.. you know, all that jazz.. and I have really had to do some major "soul searching", which is not unlike many others out there.

Many of you know that I have been in school full time this past year and I have been very commited to seeing it through, but as I sit here and watch the snow flitter around.. I am taken back to that very question that I often ask myself:

"What the hell do I really want to be when I grow up and why?"

Do I have to know the answer? Can't I just be happy? Can't I just allow myself to ability to have it all... better yet, show my children.. my female children that, "Yes, women CAN do everything that they want to AND have a family."

Granted, Im not very good at keeping tabs on everything that happens, some things slip through the cracks, I miss a teachers conference or forget to sign a feild trip paper... lord knows that I am not on the PTA..... will that matter when I am 80 and my children are reflecting back on their childhoods?

What really got me thinking about all of this today was, the fact that I have to take additional loans to finish my schooling.. yes, I am to that point. One of the loans that I need~ because I am a student in the state of Minnesota~ will NOT allow me to have it unless I have a co-signer...regardless whether I can actually take the loan out myself or not, its the "rule" with this particular loan.

Anyway, I called my father in Illinois.. brief history: I married at 18~ moved far away from home~ never to return home or ask for ANYTHING ever~ BUT remains very close to dad.

He actually refused to co-sign my measely $4,500 loan. I have never gave him reason to distrust me, I have never disappointed him... I have never been the one to hurt him.. that's my brothers job.

What a shocker.... I was moved to actual tears... I was heart broke...

So, what do I want to be when I grow up?

I just want to treat people well... and be treated the same. I want to "Be all that I can Be" ( no pun intended)..

By the way... Taylor offered(I did not ask her) to co-sign for me... THAT is friendship without judgement, friendship without question, friendhip.... full of love.... Luv ya dearly sister!!

Taylor Time~~

~Girls night out!~





Two women, who had been friends for years, decide to go for a Girls Night Out, and were decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head stone or something.

The first woman had nothing to dry herself with she thought she'd take off her panties, use them, then throw them away. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves. So she dried herself with the ribbon.

The next day the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "This girl's night out thing has got to stop right now. My wife came home last night without her panties." That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that said: "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION, WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU."

horatio_sanz61

horatio_sanz61
Originally uploaded by officetramp2005.

I think Horatio Sanz is one of the funniest guys around...on SNL

He was part of this skit on SNL about "Staches" on Sat night and basically, he and two other guys had the largest handle-bar Magnum PI "staches" that I have ever seen...and they were selling: Moustache Rides...seriously!

The best part was that, Horatio, was cracking himself up.....which made me about pee my pants.

This picture doesnt exactly show the skit that was portrayed, but..anything that Horatio is in or does, is halarious.

Moustache Rides, moustache rides, moustache rides...I just like to say that, but how do you even say that with a straight face on TV??

Pet Peeve # 2

Doesnt this look tasty!

I love breakfast for dinner!

I do, I really really do. Pancakes for dinner, with a crispy side bacon (yes I eat pork) and a glass of ice cold skim milk. YUMMMMY!

Here is my Pet Peeve # 2:

Its always kinda fun to go to IHop, Denny's or Perkins to get your breakfast food, because after all, that IS what they are known for... so when I go there, I like to order my pancakes, yet I am always disappointed by the lack of butter on my cakes.

The pancakes generally come out with what appears to have been a dollop of butter... in a semi-circle of a cave, that it made in the pancake, when it was thrown onto the cake by the teeny weeny melon baller back in the kitchen by the guy that hates butter.

Now I ask you, dont YOU like butter on every pancake.. to some degree? I do, because I dont use much syrup.. and/or I eat fruit on my pancakes. Honestly, arent some things just made for butter... LIKE pancakes, Ohhh and popcorn? DUH~!!!

Why doesnt the wait staff just bring out extra butter to begin with?

Why the hell dont I just ask for extra butter? (because I am a dumb ass and I have high hopes that some wait person will be psychic and read my freak'n mind)

None-the-less, this IS a Pet Peeve # 2... and its probably of my own design, and I dont even eat pancakes that often... but it still urkes me.

I want my butter!

Wow, I AM a dumb ass......

Bad Parent: Reason #2

Im sure there are many reasons why I am a great parent, but when you have a soon to be 15 year old, the only reasons that matter.. are the reasons why you are a BAD parent.

Reason Number 2, why I am a BAD parent:

Halie is grounded, and I am a bad parent for making this so. The reason, seems to be unjust, unfair, bogus, everyone else thinks that its stupid, everyone else's parents wouldnt do that, and I am just MEAN.

Halie's Freshman year of highschool is a bit of an eye-opener for her as far as her "grades" go.. I know that she is trying, her homework is being turned in.. I can see that. Her school has a wonderful tool online called the Parent Porthole where I can check her grades (she thinks its evil Im sure) but her quizez and tests tell me a different story. Here lies the problem.

She doesnt bring home a stitch of homework.... nothing at all! She does all of her homework at "school", and she doesnt study for anything at all...ever.. because she says she doesnt need too, she gets help at school when she feels as if she needs it.

Ive contacted the teachers, done what a mother can do... made the usual threats... nothing has worked.

Ive now resorted to.......Grounding! Her homework shows that she knows how to do the work, but she tests poorly.. (understandable) She needs to learn how to organize herself and learn how to study... until I actually physically see her bring home stuff nightly to either work on or study.... to help bring up her grades... she will be grounded.

I need to know that she wants to make an attempt to change her grades.

This my friends makes me a bad parent. I am so unlike any other parent out there, I am alone in this universe...... blah blah blah.....NOT!

and I thought potty training was hard...