I'm cracking....
Over the past few years, I have tried to determine exactly what direction I want my life to go in. Im married, I have two girls, I work full time.. you know, all that jazz.. and I have really had to do some major "soul searching", which is not unlike many others out there.
Many of you know that I have been in school full time this past year and I have been very commited to seeing it through, but as I sit here and watch the snow flitter around.. I am taken back to that very question that I often ask myself:
"What the hell do I really want to be when I grow up and why?"
Do I have to know the answer? Can't I just be happy? Can't I just allow myself to ability to have it all... better yet, show my children.. my female children that, "Yes, women CAN do everything that they want to AND have a family."
Granted, Im not very good at keeping tabs on everything that happens, some things slip through the cracks, I miss a teachers conference or forget to sign a feild trip paper... lord knows that I am not on the PTA..... will that matter when I am 80 and my children are reflecting back on their childhoods?
What really got me thinking about all of this today was, the fact that I have to take additional loans to finish my schooling.. yes, I am to that point. One of the loans that I need~ because I am a student in the state of Minnesota~ will NOT allow me to have it unless I have a co-signer...regardless whether I can actually take the loan out myself or not, its the "rule" with this particular loan.
Anyway, I called my father in Illinois.. brief history: I married at 18~ moved far away from home~ never to return home or ask for ANYTHING ever~ BUT remains very close to dad.
He actually refused to co-sign my measely $4,500 loan. I have never gave him reason to distrust me, I have never disappointed him... I have never been the one to hurt him.. that's my brothers job.
What a shocker.... I was moved to actual tears... I was heart broke...
So, what do I want to be when I grow up?
I just want to treat people well... and be treated the same. I want to "Be all that I can Be" ( no pun intended)..
By the way... Taylor offered(I did not ask her) to co-sign for me... THAT is friendship without judgement, friendship without question, friendhip.... full of love.... Luv ya dearly sister!!
Many of you know that I have been in school full time this past year and I have been very commited to seeing it through, but as I sit here and watch the snow flitter around.. I am taken back to that very question that I often ask myself:
"What the hell do I really want to be when I grow up and why?"
Do I have to know the answer? Can't I just be happy? Can't I just allow myself to ability to have it all... better yet, show my children.. my female children that, "Yes, women CAN do everything that they want to AND have a family."
Granted, Im not very good at keeping tabs on everything that happens, some things slip through the cracks, I miss a teachers conference or forget to sign a feild trip paper... lord knows that I am not on the PTA..... will that matter when I am 80 and my children are reflecting back on their childhoods?
What really got me thinking about all of this today was, the fact that I have to take additional loans to finish my schooling.. yes, I am to that point. One of the loans that I need~ because I am a student in the state of Minnesota~ will NOT allow me to have it unless I have a co-signer...regardless whether I can actually take the loan out myself or not, its the "rule" with this particular loan.
Anyway, I called my father in Illinois.. brief history: I married at 18~ moved far away from home~ never to return home or ask for ANYTHING ever~ BUT remains very close to dad.
He actually refused to co-sign my measely $4,500 loan. I have never gave him reason to distrust me, I have never disappointed him... I have never been the one to hurt him.. that's my brothers job.
What a shocker.... I was moved to actual tears... I was heart broke...
So, what do I want to be when I grow up?
I just want to treat people well... and be treated the same. I want to "Be all that I can Be" ( no pun intended)..
By the way... Taylor offered(I did not ask her) to co-sign for me... THAT is friendship without judgement, friendship without question, friendhip.... full of love.... Luv ya dearly sister!!
posted by Peggy at 1:15 PM
1 Comments:
I watched my mother do it all. Marilyn raised three obnoxious boys, living on a shit salary from the YWCA, and acting at the Old Log Theater at nights and on weekends.
My mother really gave US it all. She decided a long time ago, that her legacy was assured by giving her sons a great future to grow into. We didn't have money, but we learned to think for ourselves, fend for ourselves, and most of all, to be resourceful, something I would guess Peggy knows somthing about.
Ohh...I'll co-sign a loan any day of the week...
CARR
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